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Name of topic: Jokes
much likedMiklosMale
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1. post - 2009.12.27. 17:10:20
Heard a good joke you want to share? Post it here!
Score: 5
much likedDracoMale

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Re: Jokes
2. post - 2009.12.30. 09:32:55
The Americans and Russians, at the height of the arms race, realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to settle the whole dispute with one dog fight. They'd have five years to breed the best fighting dog in the world and whichever side's dog won would be entitled to dominate the world. The losing side would have to lay down its arms.

The Russians found the biggest, meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and bred them with the biggest meanest Siberian wolves. They selected only the biggest and strongest puppy from each litter, killed his siblings, and gave him all the milk. They used steroids and trainers and after five years came up with the biggest meanest dog the world had ever seen. Its cage needed steel bars that were three inches thick and nobody could get near it.

When the day came for the fight, the Americans showed up with a strange animal. It was a nine-foot long Dachshund. Everyone felt sorry for the Americans because they knew there was no way that this dog could possibly last ten seconds with the Russian dog.

When the cages were opened up, the Dachshund came out and wrapped itself around the outside of the ring. It had the Russian dog almost completely surrounded. When the Russian dog leaned over to bite the Dachshund's neck, the Dachshund reached out and consumed the Russian dog in one bite. There was nothing left at all of the Russian dog.

The Russians came up to the Americans, shaking their heads in disbelief. `We don't understand how this could have happened. We had our best people working for five years with the meanest Doberman and Rottweiler ------- in the world and the biggest, meanest Siberian wolves."

"That's nothing," an American replied. "We had our best plastic surgeons working for five years to make an alligator look like a Dachshund."
Score: 7.50

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Re: Jokes
3. post - 2010.01.07. 19:29:23
The French, German and Spanish apply a job. The English knowlege is necessary, so HR manager ask them that they say English sentences with 3 colour: pink, green, yellow.

French: I woke up at te morning. My socks was pink, the grass is green, and the sun was yellow.

German: Yesterday morning my face was pink. My car is yellow and the grass was green.

Spanish: I woka up in the morning when te telephone ring: greeng-greeng, i pink up the phon and say yellow?
Score: 6.50
Global Moderator
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Re: Jokes
4. post - 2010.01.21. 08:28:57 (Reply to post #3 of Random.)
May I ask who are you in the HUN server? If you play it ofc.
Doomlord forum moderator at your service.
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Re: Jokes
5. post - 2010.02.20. 00:46:11
So there's two muffins sitting in an oven.

One muffin turns to the other and says, "Dang, it's really hot in here!"

The second muffin turns to the first and exclaims, "Holy crap! A talking muffin!"
Score: 6.33
much likedCiphasMale

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Re: Jokes
6. post - 2010.02.23. 12:24:14
This one is similar with the first one because it did remainded me of it :

A bear hunting competition where the Army , Marine and Police compete to find a bear first .

The army started searching the area but only found rabbits a fox ,

The Marine found a duck and nothing else

But in a lonely corner of the forest 5 police officers where beating up a rabbit and telling him : " Now you confess you are a bear ... "
This post was modified by Ciphas at 2010.02.23. 12:24:54
Score: 5.50

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Re: Jokes
7. post - 2010.02.23. 17:07:59
Why do Chinese police travel in threes ?
One can read, one can write and one to watch the two 'intellectuals'.
Score: 4.50
much likedCiphasMale

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Re: Jokes
8. post - 2010.02.24. 21:33:44
A couple of New Jersey hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice says: "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says: "OK, now what?"

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

A woman rushed to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung out. She rattles off: "Doctor, take a look at me. When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror and saw my hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, my eyes were bloodshot and bugging out, and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's WRONG with me, Doctor!?"
The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says: "Well, I can tell you that there ain't nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Score: 7
public enemyRoad9494Male

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Re: Jokes
9. post - 2011.07.27. 08:47:22
great postttttttt


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This post was modified by Road9494 at 2011.11.04. 06:52:40
Score: 1.80
public enemyEjeromeMale

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Re: Jokes
10. post - 2012.06.26. 13:47:59 (Reply to post #1 of Miklos.)
vI think that jokes have already been replaced by memes and true enough, there really are a lot of memes that are really funny and are great.

And web sites like 9gag where they are available for viewing and for reposting just ensures that they would get to a lot more people and be something that would be updated on the regular and at all times.
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